Purposeful Relationships.

Part 1:

Begin with a conscious breath…in….and allowing it to flow out…bring yourself into awareness, and open yourself to an intentional space…

Today, let us be open to the belief that all of our relationships are purposeful.  Every one of them.  May they be with your kid’s teacher, your neighbor, your boss, your best friend, your sibling, your parent or your spouse.

Aside from our original relationship with our parents when we were children, as we become Adults, our relationships with our partners and spouses are usually the ones most ripe with potential for growth and healing…

Today, can you be mindful how your intimate relationship gives you an opportunity to practice being the highest level of You possible?  That highest level of You is the Essence You.

Maybe you get annoyed when your spouse wants more physical intimacy, but doesn’t invite you into it by connecting with you emotionally first.  Is it possible that your irritation blocks the more tender message beneath his demands?

Are you willing to look for this message? 

Part 2:

If so, maybe instead, you might find, “Honey, I am feeling alone, disconnected from you, and missing the way we connect when we are sexual with one another.”

And you might realize that you have been withholding your affection – because your Child Self has been feeling unimportant and alone. 

Then you might ask yourself, “How can I tap into my own value and my own connection to Source so that my Adult Self can soothe these painful feelings for myself?”

Once you do, you might be able to reconnect with your heart, the core of your Essence Self, and come back to your partner in a more welcoming way.

Maybe you get angry when your spouse “nags” you that you are not more available to her and the kids.  Is it possible that your anger drowns out the more vulnerable message that is likely beneath her complaints? 

Are you willing to look for this message? 

If so, maybe instead, you might find, “Honey, I am feeling alone, disconnected from you, and missing the way we connect when we communicate as parents and partners…”

And you might realize that you have been withdrawing – because your Child Self has been feeling inadequate and alone. 

adult-man-and-boyThen, you might ask yourself, “How can I plug into my own worthiness and my own connection to Source so that my Adult self can soothe these painful feelings for myself?”

Once you are able to do this, it is very likely you will be able to reconnect with your heart, the Core of your Essence Self, and come back to your partner in a more inviting way.

Today, let us hold an intention to look for the tender and vulnerable messages in all of our relationships…

Be gentle with yourself.  This is not easy to do.

Part 3: 
Today is a good day to remember that being in a partnership does not guarantee that we will be held up, taken care of, protected, or attended to, one hundred percent of the time.
This is impossible in an adult relationship.  I have a feeling that most of us would say, “Of course, I know this; I don’t expect my partner to show up 100% of the time.”  Well, it’s easy to see and know this very clearly when our Adult Selves are in charge.
When we are connected to that part of ourselves, we can soothe ourselves through any discomfort, and we can even have compassion for our partners who may be hurting inside themselves.
However, this is not the part of us who feels so wounded when our partners, for whatever reason, do not hold us up, take care of us, protect us or attend to us.
This part is our wounded Child Self.  This is the part of us that still, on some level (sub-consciously) longs to be “parented” unconditionally, and most of the time, we wish it to be without our even having to ask.
We want our partners to just know what we need.  And when they don’t, our Child Self believes that if they forget, or misunderstand, or don’t show up, it must mean they don’t really love us (because we feel un-loved).  It must mean they are not the person we thought they were.  We tell ourselves a story to keep us from feeling too vulnerable. 
Sweet Younger Self, know that Adult You is always here for you…
Let us take a moment right now, to notice our wounded Child Self.  The part of us, who in our past, was actually hurt, de-valued, victimized or abandoned, in ways large or small (for a child, even the smallest and most unintentional of mis-attunements can create the deepest of wounds).
Yes, right here, can you pay attention to Younger You? Can you allow yourself to feel any feelings that come up as you do without pushing them away?  Pushing them away only suppresses them beneath the surface and they build and build till eventually, they show up in other areas of your life.
So right now, allow the feelings to just be.
Imagine Adult You connecting to your own heart.  If you cry, that is ok…the tears will help wash some of the pain away.
Remember that Adult You knows how connected you are to your Source, to your Essence.   And that you are held in Love and Light always by this Source of All of Life.
As you tap in to this connection within and throughout you, imagine holding Younger You in this same Love and Light.
And…let this be our intention today:
Dear Younger Self, I Love You, I am here for you and will hold you in Universal Light as often as I can.
I will hold an intention to always take care of you.
I will hold an intention to never abandon you by asking someone else to give you what you need from me most of all:   My Presence and my Love…
Part 4:
Today, let us take the time to ask ourselves:

Do I love him?

Do I love her?

Do I love myself?

Am I willing to recognize that we are all doing the best we can? 

Am I willing to acknowledge my partner’s pain?

Am I willing to notice when I react more from my Ego than respond from my Essence…

…And also be open to adjusting for my partner’s desires?

Am I willing to ask for what I want…

…And soothe myself when I can’t get it?

Let us recognize that if we have a solid foundation of Self-Love, and solid connection to Essence enough of the time, we don’t have to put that kind of pressure on our partners, or take on the pressure ourselves. 

We can hold one another’s hand, we can lean on each other for support; and when the other is unavailable, for whatever reason, we can hold ourselves up.  We can remember we may feel lonely, but we are not alone because we are connected to the Force of Life flowing through us as our Essence Selves.

Let us recognize that being an Adult means we can no longer expect anyone to be obligated to take care of us more than we take care of ourselves. 

Today, can you reflect on the reason for marriage, for partnering and committing to another human being? 

Is it just to “get my needs met?”

Or perhaps there is a more evolved reason.

Perhaps, it has more to do with deeply growing ourselves through learning how to balance loving ourselves and loving others…as a way to enrich the quality of our lives and deepen the connection we feel – to ourselves, to others, and to the Creator of Life Itself.

Look at yourself then Love yourself…before looking at and loving another…True Intimacy begins here.

Breathe consciously, know there is a purpose, and remember:

I am brilliant;

I am magnificent;

I am a being of Love and Light.

I am here to bring my Essence Self to the world.

“I’m sorry, Gemma. But we can’t live in the light all of the time. You have to take whatever light you can hold into the dark with you.” ~ Libba Bray, A Great and Terrible Beauty

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