We are going deeper…
Now, as we understand how our Ego Stories feed the Ego Actions, which we very often express unconsciously, we can also see how they keep us stuck in patterns and dynamics that no longer serve us. When we are unaware, these Ego Actions just perpetuate the very Stories our Ego is trying to protect us from.
But why do we do this; why would we act in ways that only keep us stuck?
There is a layer beneath the Story which motivates and feeds the plot. This layer forms the premise for all of our Ego Stories.
We call this layer our Core Ego Beliefs. These are beliefs we come to develop about ourselves as children as our young minds attempt to make sense of a world which, developmentally and cognitively, we cannot possibly fully comprehend.
For our friend, Oscar Diggs, perhaps some of his bluster-y and intimidating behavior was fueled by a Story that told him, “In order to not feel small and vulnerable, I must create an illusion of power and strength.” Can you imagine that underneath this Story could have been a Core Ego Belief something like, “I am unsafe.” Or “I am weak.” Or “I am unworthy, unloveable, not good enough…” to name just a few possibilities. Can you imagine how, if Oscar had at the foundation of his sense of self these Ego Beliefs, he could easily have come up with the Stories that caused him to Act out in some not so very kind and helpful ways?
We can add to Oscar’s list some of our own Core Ego Beliefs:
- I am unsafe.
- I am weak.
- I am unworthy.
- I am unlovable.
- I am not good enough.
- I am ugly.
- I am broken.
- I am defective.
- I am in danger.
- I am powerless.
- I am alone.
- I am crazy.
- I am inadequate.
- I am disgusting.
- I am repulsive.
Although it may seem illogical, there is a very good reason these Ego Beliefs exist. They all originated in response to our being small, vulnerable, dependent, children in a world where the adults around us were just as flawed as we are now as human adults.
We all grew up in environments where these adult care-givers were doing the best they could with what they knew at the time, and consequently playing out their own Ego Actions (based on their own Ego Stories, fueled by their own Core Ego Beliefs). Consequently, they were imperfect and often left us to make sense of their imperfect behaviors in the only way we could: we blamed ourselves. We made it about us.
Through a child’s eyes, the grown-ups around me are supposed to be omniscient, omnipotent and benevolent, so if they are anything other than that; if they hit me, yell at me, ignore me, abandon me, it must be ME. Their illogical behavior must be because of who I am.
Of course, when we are connected to our Adult self, we have the ability to pull back, and recognize that not everything revolves around us; that if our parents were being anything but loving it was more about them than it was about us.
Children, on the other hand, are inherently narcissistically oriented. This is a natural stage of development, which, if we don’t get stuck, we eventually grow through. Realistically though, none of us grow through it completely, especially without some effort…
As children, this “self-centered” perspective is literally life-saving. It gives us the ability to feel some illusion of control over things that, in reality are completely out of our control (ie, other peoples behaviors and the environment around us).
If I believe that the problem is because of me, then maybe I can do something that will solve the problem. Without this kind of “magical thinking,” we literally might not have been emotionally or physically able to cope.
Yet, these Core Ego Beliefs, or unconscious solutions, we come up with to make sense of, and attempt to fix, the problem, then feed into the development of the Ego Stories that eventually feed the Ego Actions which leads us to become Characters rather than Directors in the movies of our Lives…And so the story goes.
So how do we shift out of the Core Ego Beliefs to avoid writing Ego Stories that no longer serve us?
More on this next time…
In the meantime, can we hold an intention today to pay attention to any of these limiting Core Ego Beliefs that are the basis of the Ego Stories we Act out?
Right now, take a moment to review some of the Ego Beliefs listed above. Can you feel the energy of any of them stuck somewhere in your consciousness?
Today, let us be aware of the small Child Self within us who is still trapped in these Beliefs that influence the quality of our lives…
Today, let us be kind and loving to this little Child within us who does not yet remember the Truth of Who We Really Are…But she will. And he will, too…
“Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.”
~ Anne Lamott
I am brilliant;
I am magnificent;
I am a being of Love and Light.
I am here to bring my Essence Self to every experience of my Life.
Click here to receive these daily Conscious Intentions in your inbox every morning if you are not already receiving them.