Now that we know that being the Director of our lives is a much more authentic role to play than that of Character, how do we shift?
As we have explored before, when we are unaware of the Old Stories in our minds, they play out unconsciously, keeping us stuck in familiar, yet unhealthy, restrictive, and often destructive patterns. It is as if we are a Character aimlessly acting a familiar role that just perpetuates itself over and over and over again.
However, once we become aware of these dynamics, we can shine a light on the Character we are playing. Like Toto pulling the curtain away from the Great and Powerful Oz, and revealing the mild and very human Oscar Diggs (for full name, see title); the light of awareness reveals our own fearful and vulnerable Wounded Child Self hiding behind our own curtain, smoke and flashing lights.
Oscar Digg’s own Wounded Child Self developed a Character, The Wizard of Oz, who hid in the darkness behind the curtain, huffing and puffing, doing all he could to feel powerful and worthy and distract everyone from knowing how “small and meek” he actually felt in his human-ness.
Now, in order for us to shine light on the Character role we are playing and reveal the true needs of our Child Self, we must first be able realize that we are indeed stuck in this role.
But how do we know if we are acting as a Character, rather than Directing our lives? If we have lived in this persona unconsciously for most of our lives, it can be really hard to recognize that we aren’t truly in charge of our lives; that we have been living like a cork floating around on the surface of the ocean. Haphazardly drifting and reacting to life from a place of powerlessness; blaming the external circumstances of drifting tides and undulating waves for the quality and outcomes of our lives.
The truth is though, even if we have been on auto-pilot for all these years, if we really stop, slow down, and pay attention, we will likely notice that somewhere beneath our conscious awareness is a feeling that niggles at us, whispering to us that something is just not right…
We begin to feel how out of alignment we are. We feel off. Our bodies may feel tight, constricted. Our heads may feel fuzzy, unclear. We may get irritable or agitated; or we may feel numb.
If we take these feelings as indicators that we are not connected to our Essence Selves, that our Wounded Child Selves have created a Character that we have been acting out, we may then be able to start noticing the behaviors, or Ego Actions, that we regularly engage in as part of our role, unconsciously or not:
- I laugh at a joke that really I think is racist and inappropriate.
- I have sex with someone before I truly am ready for physical intimacy.
- I stress out about having the perfect gifts for everyone I know, getting defensive or angry if a recipient isn’t ecstatic about what I have given them.
- I rarely admit I am wrong, or say I am sorry, or suggest that I just don’t know. I attempt to control the circumstances and be the leader either directly or passive-aggressively.
- I withdraw from my partner in times of stress or vulnerability or back away in reaction to feeling a deepening intimacy.
- I live on the surface, hardly recognizing confusion or pain, keeping up an appearance of control over my life. My mantra is “I am fine” even when it is obvious that things are not fine. I spend a lot of time comparing myself to others who I imagine are crystal clear in their “sanity.”
As we become more able to identify the feeling of an Ego Action acted out by our Wounded Child Self as a Character in our Old Story (read that again, slowly and make sure you really get it), the more we build our skill of observation.
This is a foundational skill of a Director.
Today, let us hold an intention to slow down and pay attention long enough to identify the feeling of any Ego Actions that may play out.
Today, just notice them…and be gentle with your learning and growing self…
(…More on how Ego Actions and how to change them to follow…)
“You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along.” ~Glinda, the Good Witch
I am brilliant;
I am magnificent;
I am a being of Love and Light.
I am here to bring my Essence Self to every experience of my Life.
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