Begin with a conscious breath…in….and allowing it to flow out…bring yourself into awareness, and open yourself to an intentional space…
Today, let us be open to the belief that all of our relationships are purposeful. Every one of them. May they be with your kid’s teacher, your neighbor, your boss, your best friend, your sibling, your parent or your spouse.
Aside from our original relationship with our parents when we were children, as we become Adults, our relationships with our partners and spouses are usually the ones most ripe with potential for growth and healing…
Maybe you get annoyed when your spouse wants more physical intimacy, but doesn’t invite you into it by connecting with you emotionally first. Is it possible that your irritation blocks the more tender message beneath his demands?
Are you willing to look for this message?
If so, maybe instead, you might find, “Honey, I am feeling alone, disconnected from you, and missing the way we connect when we are sexual with one another.”
And you might realize that you have been withholding your affection – because your Child Self has been feeling unimportant and alone.
Then you might ask yourself, “How can I tap into my own value and my own connection to Source so that my Adult Self can soothe these painful feelings for myself?”
Once you do, you might be able to reconnect with your heart, the core of your Essence Self, and come back to your partner in a more welcoming way.
Maybe you get angry when your spouse “nags” you that you are not more available to her and the kids. Is it possible that your anger drowns out the more vulnerable message that is likely beneath her complaints?
Are you willing to look for this message?
If so, maybe instead, you might find, “Honey, I am feeling alone, disconnected from you, and missing the way we connect when we communicate as parents and partners…”
And you might realize that you have been withdrawing – because your Child Self has been feeling inadequate and alone.
Once you are able to do this, it is very likely you will be able to reconnect with your heart, the Core of your Essence Self, and come back to your partner in a more inviting way.
Today, let us hold an intention to look for the tender and vulnerable messages in all of our relationships…
Be gentle with yourself. This is not easy to do.
Do I love him?
Do I love her?
Do I love myself?
Am I willing to recognize that we are all doing the best we can?
Am I willing to acknowledge my partner’s pain?
Am I willing to notice when I react more from my Ego than respond from my Essence…
…And also be open to adjusting for my partner’s desires?
Am I willing to ask for what I want…
…And soothe myself when I can’t get it?
Let us recognize that if we have a solid foundation of Self-Love, and solid connection to Essence enough of the time, we don’t have to put that kind of pressure on our partners, or take on the pressure ourselves.
We can hold one another’s hand, we can lean on each other for support; and when the other is unavailable, for whatever reason, we can hold ourselves up. We can remember we may feel lonely, but we are not alone because we are connected to the Force of Life flowing through us as our Essence Selves.
Let us recognize that being an Adult means we can no longer expect anyone to be obligated to take care of us more than we take care of ourselves.
Today, can you reflect on the reason for marriage, for partnering and committing to another human being?
Is it just to “get my needs met?”
Or perhaps there is a more evolved reason.
Perhaps, it has more to do with deeply growing ourselves through learning how to balance loving ourselves and loving others…as a way to enrich the quality of our lives and deepen the connection we feel – to ourselves, to others, and to the Creator of Life Itself.
Look at yourself then Love yourself…before looking at and loving another…True Intimacy begins here.
Breathe consciously, know there is a purpose, and remember:
I am brilliant;
I am magnificent;
I am a being of Love and Light.
I am here to bring my Essence Self to the world.
“I’m sorry, Gemma. But we can’t live in the light all of the time. You have to take whatever light you can hold into the dark with you.” ~ Libba Bray, A Great and Terrible Beauty