Pain is Inevitable. Suffering is Optional.

One of the themes in last week’s sessions was about how to move out of the torture of Suffering.  

Today I want to remind you that as a human being in a material world, there is no way to avoid pain and discomfort; it is inevitable since we each have a physical body, with our own minds, and our own will, which are all different from those around us.  So we are always bumping up against each other, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and ideologically.

However, pain is not the same as suffering.  Suffering keeps us stuck in the exact spot we complain about being in.

If you want to impact the quality of your life, the following are some tips to guide your decision to either remain tortured, or to use your pain to shift you to a higher ground.

If you want to Suffer and remain tortured:

• Keep resisting your circumstances;

• Expect that things should be different;

• Let anger become your vibe;

• Allow resentment dictate your emotions;

• Identify yourself as a victim;

• Identify them as an enemy;

• Use your Protector to keep you separate and disconnected;

• Allow it to decide what action to take next: retribution, revenge, othering, blaming, fighting, withdrawing, etc.

If you want your Pain to elevate you:

• Accept the reality of your circumstance,

• Understand that only you can control if things will be different;

• Let anger inspire you to make changes;

• Realize that resentment gives your power away;

• Remember no matter what happens to you, you can choose how to respond;

• Remember we are all doing the best we can with our level of consciousness in the face of unprecedented overstimulation, overwhelm, powerlessness, and fear;

• Love your Protector part; release its burden by taking it out of the driver’s seat;

• Use your Wise Adult Self to feel all that it needs to feel: grief, indignation, confusion, fear, sadness, separation…

• Allow your Adult to choose the next right action:  inquiry, boundaries, engagement, curiosity, understanding, compassion, and LOVE.

I know it is not easy.  

But increasing the quality of your life can be simple, once you shift into the power that comes from engaging your Wise Adult.

The 12-Step Program has it right with its famous Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

So I can choose to stop suffering and grow through all the pain.*

*(Italicized words are mine).

Much love,

Carol