Discomfort Won’t Kill You.
Lately, I have been making note of the themes that show up each week when I meet with clients.
So often the questions that emerge have a common element that jumps out at me.
For instance:
When my partner forgets how to communicate from their Adult part and I remind them how, am I supporting them and us?
Or am I enabling them and then they don’t have to do the work for themselves?
If I choose to spend time with people who trigger me is it because I love them, and I am growing and learning how create boundaries?
Or am I still living in an old story that says I must keep trying because it is what is expected of me?
Great questions!
The common denominator with both questions is how to discern which part of me is making the decision about what to do next?
Is it my Adult Self or my Protector Part?
The key is to pay attention to how you feel when you choose to act.
If choosing from your Adult Self, you may feel:
Open;
Spacious;
Expanded;
Free;
And maybe even excited and challenged (can also feel like nervousness).
If your Protector Part is driving, instead you may feel:
Closed;
Restricted;
Constricted;
Limited;
And maybe even familiarity and ease.
Now, you may actually initially feel some relief if your Protector is driving your choice because that part is doing all it can to avoid the discomfort of stretching beyond your well defined box. It may feel familiar, and like that old worn out sweatshirt you still have from college, it may feel really comfortable…
Michael Singer, in his book The Untethered Soul, describes how we build within ourselves all sorts of contraptions in order to avoid the pain of disturbing our inner thorns (his metaphor for painful experiences, unresolved issues, or negative thought patterns that reside within us).
We do so rather than recognizing how removing the thorn might hurt at first, but once it is gone, the pain subsides. No more suffering with the weight of an unwieldy story that no longer serves.
Remember, comfort is not the goal.
Alignment. Truth. Authenticity. Healing. Growth.
These are the qualities we aspire to if we desire a full, whole, connected, and relational, experience of life.
So you might want to give yourself a moment to gently reflect if the relief you feel from the decision you made about your next action is one of avoiding your pain…
Or that of true resonance with your Adult Self, remembering that the pain is temporary as you continue to evolve.
Slow down.
Take a breath.
Be gentle with yourself.
Listen to your body.
Remember, discomfort is not going to kill you; in fact, embracing and creating more space for your pain may actually save you and give you an opportunity to live the life you deserve.
