Be The Observer & Change Your Life.

Have you ever been driving and suddenly arrived at your destination and thought, “I don’t remember driving here?”

Ok, I know none of us are getting any younger, but I am not talking about memory loss here.  I am referring to those lapses of awareness, those moments, sometimes lasting more than moments, when we are on Auto-Pilot.

Do you remember when you first learned to drive a car.  Because the process was so new, you likely had to concentrate on every step of it: your eyes scanning your surroundings and all your mirrors; your hands on the wheel, knowing when to put your foot on the brake and figuring out how much pressure to apply when accelerating, and then regulating how much distance between you and the other cars depending on how fast you were going, etc.  

It took a lot of effort…

Until it didn’t any longer.

At some point because you had physically repeated the process enough times, a new neural pathway was created in your brain. Once this circuit was activated, for the most part, you could get in the car without consciously thinking too much about all the steps that make up the entire process.  So now you had a new program to draw upon called “Driving a Car.”

Our brain’s ability to create this kind of muscle memory, makes our life way more efficient and pleasing in many ways.

Being on Auto-Pilot can be very useful on a safe stretch of highway on a sunny day with not too much traffic.

However, once more hazards appear, more twists and turns, inclement weather, more complexities, it becomes crucial to come back to manual mode and focus more attentively on the “Driving a Car” program!

If not, we can find ourselves running over others, crashing into obstacles, hurting ourselves, going too fast or too slow, missing turns, being late…

Our relationships can be thought of in much the same way.  

We get into a rut.  Auto-Pilot.  

All of the patterns and dynamics of our past, all the history that makes up our lives, have dug deep neural pathways in our brains.

We have many programs ingrained in the circuitry of our brains.  And most of them are unconscious, and therefore transactional, not relational.  They are there to be drawn on when we feel unsafe, and therefore unable to reflect, consider, or ponder the best course of action.

Any time we feel vulnerable in some familiar way, our brain looks for the right Program in our internal filing cabinet.

For example:

What To Do When Someone is Mad at Me.

Preventing Conflict.

Avoiding Vulnerability.

Getting What I Want.

Being Sexual.

Making Sure I am Heard and Seen.

Feeling Important.

Pleasing others.

Seeking Safety.

Can you add some of your own?

When these Programs get activated, the more primitive and subconscious parts of your brain are at work.  Your Protector Part operates from here.

I know it seems impossible sometimes, but this is the time when we have make a decision.

Ask yourself, “do I want to react with the same old tired routines and get the same painful results that keep me suffering?

Or do I want to try something different?  

Can I try to respond with awareness and love instead?”

I promise, you are way more likely to land closer to what you want from here.

But that means, you have to be able to recognize that the Program got activated. If you just get swept away in the stories of your past, and allow your Protector Part to convince you that because you are feeling and thinking something that it must be ultimate reality, you become trapped in your misery.

Your freedom comes from embracing another possibility:

You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, you are not your stories, you are not your patterns.

Rather, the real you, the True You, is the part of you that can observe all of those things.

It’s not that your thoughts, feelings, etc., aren’t real; they are a part of our human experience to be sure.  

Yet, the ability to step up from what we are calling your Wise Adult position, and be a witness to all of those human aspects, empowers you to change the quality of any experience you could have.

Because from here, you can respond.  

From here, you actually have a choice.

From here, grace is accessible.

From here, love is a priority.

From here, connection, communication, creativity, thrive.

How are you cultivating your Observing Self?

You don’t have to sit for hours on a meditation cushion trying to empty your mind to do so.

Just take any moment you can to watch, become aware.

Right now…just notice your breath.

Watch what happens to all the parts of your body when you inhale, and then exhale. Take a few moments to observe the rhythm of your breathing.

Now, notice your toes.  Ah, there they are!  Feel the ground under your feet. Notice your legs; your thighs and glutes on your chair, your belly, your shoulders, your neck, your arms down to your hands…notice your tongue, your cheeks, your nose, your cheeks, your forehead, the top of your head.

That took less than 60 seconds.  

And it took you from being immersed unconsciously in your process to allowing yourself to watch the embodiment of.

This practice alone can change your life.

Are you ready to wake up?

Much love, Carol

P.S. If you want a deeper experience, here’s a 9 minute Presence Meditation video which I created in 2020, shortly after we closed the world for COVID.  Nine minutes.