Do you Wu Wei?
Lately we have been exploring the differences between Pain and Suffering.
Do you remember?
Pain is a natural consequence of being human, having a mind and a body that are designed to keep us alive.
There is no way to avoid bumping up against things physically or mentally, and the pain we experience in this bumping points to the places that are either growing, or need some kind of attention. From this perspective, we can actually appreciate pain.
Because once we move through the growth or give some compassionate attention to the pain point, the discomfort dissipates.
Suffering, on the other hand, is also a function of being human, but it is not our natural state. It only happens when we try to avoid, deny, or in some way resist accepting that the pain point is there.
We spend inordinate amounts of time trying to control our pain and deluding ourselves that this is the way to end suffering.
Our Protector parts (products of our Egos) create stories to help us make sense of our suffering. These stories give us something to focus on, and keep us distracted from the power we actually have to stop the torture.
The title of the story I used to carry around like a badge of honor, the one that was created when I was a little girl, was My Life is a Struggle.
So I became tough; and in order to survive I convinced myself that I could handle anything, as long as I kept moving, achieving, taking care of people, being a good girl (or at least not get caught being a bad one!).
I didn’t just believe this, it was my reality. As life went on and things would inevitably go awry, I would think, “Oh, see, here’s my struggle again; this is just more proof that I am meant to struggle, so I will just soldier on without any relief in sight.”
And every time I bumped up against something difficult, I struggled, and my suffering just reinforced my story.
Over and over and over again.
“Be like water making its way through cracks.
Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it.
If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves…
Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
~Bruce Lee
It took me a long time to realize that I was perpetuating my suffering by believing that life should be different from what it was. Growing up in a divorced family from 9 years old, during a time when divorce was not a common thing, certainly not in my suburban community back in the early 70’s, caused me all sorts of pain.
Of course, I was a kid, I didn’t know that life is just hard. That everyone has pain and discomfort. That bad things happen to everyone. I thought it was just me.
Me and My Struggling Family.
So I suffered with that story, and all the heaviness it carried for a long time, thinking there must be something wrong with me, some kind of mystery I needed to figure out that everyone else must have known…
Of course, the truth is, Life happens to everyone.
Sometimes life is really, really great!
And…
Sometimes life just really, really, really sucks.
I have learned that when I stop trying to manage my pain by telling myself that it should be some other way, and instead accept what actually is happening, it opens me up to take a deep breath…and like our friend, Bruce Lee suggests, “Be water.”
That doesn’t mean stop living.
It doesn’t mean stop taking action.
It doesn’t mean stop responding to things that make me feel uncomfortable.
What it really means, is to soften my stance.
Allow myself to accept the reality of my situation.
Then I can:
shift from hard force to way less effort;
stop fighting and pushing and controlling;
be kinder and gentler with myself, and everyone else around me;
simply flow with the current, not against it.
Just like water.
Much love,
Carol
Learn about Wu Wei:
“Practicing Wu Wei does not imply passivity or inaction; instead, it suggests a gentle, flowing approach to life, akin to how water navigates its course. By embracing this principle, Taoists believe that individuals can avoid unnecessary suffering and cultivate inner peace. Historically, the concept is thought to have emerged as a moral guide in early Chinese societies, promoting trust and cooperation among individuals by encouraging natural goodness over forced behavior.” (From EBSCO website)
