Why Do I Have to be The One?
Have you ever felt so frustrated and exhausted with the people around you that you find yourself thinking:
Why do I have to be the one to make all the changes?
Why do I have to remind them to do something they should know to do?
Why do I have to keep trying?
Why do I have to be the one?
Why? Why? Why?
Not to be insensitive, but I sometimes hear all those “why’s” like this:
Waah. Waah. Waah.
Honestly, this is not to insult anyone: trust me, I have been known to ask those same questions myself.
Rather, it is to point out which part of you is asking them.
You might think it is your Wounded Child part because the cries sound childlike, but I would encourage to to reconsider this.
If your WC part is really feeling pain, exhaustion, depleted, sad, lonely, they wouldn’t be forming all those sentences, they’d simply be feeling all the discomfort that comes with those feelings.
No surprise, it is the Protector Part that is doing all the whining.
Remember the Protector is always looking for a way out of the pain. And if it has someone to blame, be mad at or resentful of, that is an easy way to avoid feeling small and vulnerable.
And if you allow yourself to get sucked into your Protector’s ruse, you will miss the opportunity to actually answer the question… and empower yourself.
Here’s the answer to all of those questions:
Why do you have to be the one…?
Dear one, you don’t.
You don’t have to do anything.
Nothing at all. Especially if you want nothing to change.
Ultimately, you are the only one who can influence the quality of your experience.
So ask yourself these new questions:
Do you enjoy begin angry?
Do you like feeling resentful?
Do you find it satisfying to blame others for how you are feeling?
I absolutely know your Protector does. Mine too.
However, if you are reading this, you know there is another part of you, yes?
Actually, it isn’t a part of you at all, but the truest you there is: what we are calling your Wise Adult Self.
If you have a relationship with someone whom you love and care about, and they are struggling with their own vulnerabilities and their Protector Part is keeping them from accessing their own Wise Adult, why wouldn’t you want to help them?
Of course that would mean you’d have to access your Highest Self so that your Wise Adult can try. If you have access while they are stumbling, maybe you can find your own heart space and gently remind them it is here for them too.
From here you can invite them to join you in this wise, kind, and loving place.
Maybe they can’t find their footing right away, even with your gentle invitation. If so, is it possible to breathe and give them some grace and some time to ground and center themselves so they can try to join you.
Or perhaps it is stranger you are feeling resentful about? Yeah, my Protector can go to town on them too.
I know it may seem like there is not the same incentive to be the one to change with someone you don’t know and seemingly don’t care about.
Errrrr…
Someone aggressively cuts me off in traffic.
Another one pulls into a parking space I was just about to turn into.
Some others seem just so mean and uncaring.
Of course, my Wise Adult knows it may not be safe to directly invite a stranger to join me in a loving space.
However, I don’t have to keep running the negative energy within me beyond the time it takes for my nervous system to calm down.
I can breathe, and then I can send that stranger some kindness from my heart, knowing that their Protector Part is doing its best to keep them from feeling vulnerable, scared, small, out of control…whether they know it, understand it, or would admit it or not.
Why should I have to do this?
I don’t have to.
I choose to.
You don’t have to either.
But you can choose to.
Why?
Because it lets your Protector know your Wise Adult is in charge. When they know this, they can take a break. Then you will feel better.
I know this is the kind of world I prefer to live in.
Imagine if we all were connected to and expressed from our Wise Adult Selves more often.
Much love,
Carol
